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I’m going to tell you a story,
It’s a very common tune.
About two people Jack and Jill,
And this is what they’ve been through.
High school was wrapping up,
When Jill met Jack. 
You see Jill was sought after,
But that Jack he was a mack.
It was a graduation party,
And everyone was having fun.
Jill had never drank before,
But everyone was having some.
So they danced and they laughed,
As they had a few beers.
Then they climbed in Jill’s car,
They had no fear cause Jack lived near.
A block from Jack’s house,
Jill ran a stop sign.
There was a truck coming through,
And jill couldn’t stop in time.
They smacked into that truck,
And everything went black.
Jack was hurt real bad,
The doctors barely brought him back.
Jill felt so guilty,
As Jack fought to rehab.
She stuck by his side,
They shared his pills and it got bad.
They both loved the feeling,
Of Jack’s oxy contin. 
All the guilt and the shame,
All that pain was forgotten.
Until eventually that doctor,
Said Jack you get no more.
Jack and jill they were in trouble,
As it was the pills they now lived for.
In they’re desperation,
They sought them out on the street.
But instead they found the feyt,
Went from snorting to I.V.
Jill began to sell herself,
Jack pulled his gun on anyone.
They had warrants for their deeds,
And so were living on the run.
Until late one night Jack and jill went up the hill,
To where those boys were trapping.
First jack then jill came crashing down,
And this is how it happened.
They shot up behind a church,
Nodded out when they were through.
When jill finally awoke,
Jack wasn’t breathing he was blue.
Jill she blamed herself,
And spiralled into depression.
She felt like life was over,
Plus the dope just wasn’t helping. 
So on the night they buried jack,
Jill was nowhere to be found.
They found her body the next day,
Floating river face down.
She had left a note,
On the bridge that she jumped from. 
Her mother read it at her wake,
This is how at all began.
To my family and my friends,
I’m sorry that we hurt you.
To my mom and my dad,
I’m sorry for what you were put though.
Its like we never stood a chance,
Life turned to dust before our eyes.
It began as harmless fun,
Before I knew it Jack had died.
It was set into motion,
Once i climbed behind that wheel.
Once addicted I lost choice,
It all just seemed unreal.
We both planned to become doctors,
We loved life and we had hope.
But our dreams were traded in,
For a needle and bag of dope.
Our story is not unique,
But our voices are rarely heard.
We are overlooked across this country,
From projects to the suburbs.
This is the true pandemic,
But we all act like we are immune.
Until you are the person,
Giving a speech inside this room.
The guilt shame and regret,
That we feel in active addiction.
Push us deeper into despair,
We create a lonely prison.
Connection is the key,
To a disease of isolation.
We must love our addicts back,
Come together as a nation.
We are all someone’s son, someone’s daughter, sister, brother.
Someone’s aunt or their uncle,
Someone’s father or their mother.
So please help us to fight,
Don’t treat us as disappointments.
Your love can be a bandage,
Compassion may be our ointment.
So as I near the end,
Of this tragic journey.
I pray my voice was loud,
I hope you all have heard me.
Change starts when one of you,
Can inspire another person.
Each time you are successful,
Their story may end in a happier version.
If this story touches you,
If you know a Jack or Jill.
How will you choose to act,
When this story plays out for real.
We don’t have to fight alone,
You don’t have to get that call.
Love us back up off that bridge,
It’s in your court don’t drop the ball.
Written by Tim Peterson
AKA True Story
Hazyspacefairy.wordpress.com
Tictoc #hazytruestory 

Heartache

Heartache wasn’t in the pamphlet. I didn’t know love could be so dark.

This crushing weight that has resulted, of my unguarded heart ripped apart.

I brushed off warnings to be careful, their words didn’t ring of truth.

I never knew that such despair could come from loving someone as good as you.

I am no victim, I played my part in this disaster.

Holding broken pieces of my heart chasing that love ever after.

Even still thru this pain, my love burns so strong.

I see cupid out the corner of my eye, love notes hidden in each song.

So I push on, this void threatening mutual destruction.

See I’m still grateful for your love because before you there was nothing.

If we never mend this bond, if I’ve held you for the last time.

Just know you gave me life and hope, you will always own this heart of mine.

Island of the damned

Swept away, right off my feet, caught in a frenzied verocious current.

I have no life raft, no preserver, no life insurance.

I struggle, splash, fight to break free, I am no one’s servent

I’m a survivor, a loner, submission a rare occurrence 

Chaos unravels spinning me, dragging me further away from dry land

I protest, I scream, only silence reverberates as the water is heedless of my demands.

Out of breath, soaked, exhausted I am washed up on wet sand.

Shakily I stand, she takes my hand, welcome to the island of the damned.

She states we are stranded, this wasn’t my plan. I would never willingly bind myself to a man. 

Never the less here you stand, here I am, upon my heart I wear your brand.

I feel her truth, I trust those devious yet innocent eyes

Despite contradiction Surrender feels right, I let her inside. I am hers, she is mine. Our own little paradise, can it last the test of time. 

Circus Act

Performer, patron or prop, which am I in this circus.
Big smile, but my clown grin is painted only on the surface.

Who am I behind this make up, loud act and big shoes.
Run around and act happy, but it’s for the crowd, just a ruse.

Do I make you laugh, am I a joke, do I bring you joy.
To be picked up at your amusement, one of your favorite toys.

I put on a great show, watch me dance and watch me slide.
But I know you see the struggle I have going on inside.

You see behind the mask, the pain behind my eyes.
The sacrifices I endure to my wants and to my pride.

Each day I go on stage, seeking the crowds love and approval.
Brought high by their acceptance and crushed by each refusal.

So under spot lights, is this stage my new prison
Am I someone  truly wanted or just a temporary victim.
Will I receive reassurance, or be left to wonder hearing crickets.
Will they perform with me or just keep buying tickets.
.

The spinster and the skeptic

It began a thread of spider silk spun thru delicate glances, seductive smiles.

Slowly tightening a single strand, fragile to the eye but strong enough to stretch for miles

Time progressed, the spinstress toiled upon her web, infusing hemp along each band

When apart he felt a pull, a yearning to be with his friend again

Hours turned to days, the weaver sung wires into each thread

He found it hard to leave, wanted to be by her side instead

As new knots were formed, she began to change her mind

See she also felt a pull, began to wonder what it is that she may find

So she taught him how to spin, how to tie and how to meld

He could not let go, so in his arms she was held

Slowly each link was grafted, engulfing their very core

Love enfused the metal, forming something never known before

An unexpected twist, A seductress caught in her own web

A man without feelings, who fell in love instead

Now all around them their chains glow, they’re ties display a work of art

An image of two captives, using chains to skale the walls meant to keep their hearts apart

Self Worth


Self worth, self esteem, persona and identity.
All words we throw around usually attached to how you see me.
What you think, want and feel control my image so frequently.
In that mirror who I see, who I try to be, all those attachments I think I need. One more like, one more smile, one more word of praise as important as the air I breathe.
Fuck that I release myself from those chains.
Shake off the doubt, the fear, the shame.
God made me unique, we aren’t meant to be the same.
I abstain from this social game of new names in my friend list, the self induced pain of trying to change just to remain relevant.
It begins within, opening the door, you know that closet with the skeletons, that delicate evaluation of my own relevance tied to my past mistakes and embarrassments. Those times I chose settling instead of excellence. My mind my own impediment ever questioning my own intelligence. The way I really feel in a room, yeah that elephant. Choosing mediocrity, self negligence, giving up instead of betterment.
Today I choose more, today I acknowledge my own worth. I accept the pain and lessons for what they were. Experiences needed for my true self to emerge. Not defined by the hurt, but defined by the strength of surviving what occurred. No longer a slave of what you’ve heard, not effected by your words, don’t need that dream girl although I acknowledge women are queens I don’t need a her to confirm my purpose on this earth. The price I’ve paid was for reason. That reason I’m still breathing. All that pain had its season. I cant wallow in those I’ve lost but I can grieve them. Self loathing and pity akin to self treason. I can want people in my life but don’t need them. I can still be considerate without people pleasing. I must release the legions of demons that tell me I’m not good enough. I deserve love. I deserve fun. I deserve to hold my fucking head high around anyone. That old chapter it is done, my new journey has just begun. I and only I choose the person I become Face that fucking mirror, forgive myself for the things I’ve done.
I am stronger for my past, and deserving of a good future.
I am not a useless piece of trash, I’m a survivor a fucking trooper.
Pick of the broken pieces and turn them into a work of art. Live my life not through a closed mind, but live it with an open heart.
Not a victim, I choose my destiny. My story isn’t done there so much more left for me. I will own the reflection in that mirror, I choose who I will see. I choose who I will be, I choose to be free, I will succeed at being me, rebuild my self esteem, get up off my fucking knees, I believe. I believe I can be great, let go of the self hate, elevate my mental state to a higher plane.
I am worthy that’s a fact. So to myself I make this pact. To stay on a forward track, fuck ever going back. This freedom is where it’s at, self love is built upon this path. To let faith pick up the slack, hope fill the areas I lack. Let love fill in the cracks, and build my esteem thru esteemable acts.
Yes this is the way I’m meant to live. Don’t just exist but flourish, don’t settle for less, stop making my life a mess just to be like everyone else. So to myself I attest, to myself I profess, to live each day as it is, and always try to be my best.

To live without your heart

How do you say goodbye to the person engraved on your heart. This person brought you out of the darkest time of your life, they helped rebuild you from a broken wreck into the best version you have ever been. You cant imagine living 1 minute without them in your life. You love them on a level you never dared believe possible. You cherish, even worship them. However you know they do not feel the same any longer. They keep you close just close enough to have you when they want you. They dont give even a fraction of the energy you do back to you. Knowing this breaks you back down a little further each day. You see yourself returning to the broken state you were found in by them. It makes you feel unworthy, makes you question if you are enough. Despite this your love still overwhelms all of this, your hope doesn’t relent. You give even more in hope that they see you. You beg god to make them love you as you love them. You would give your life to provide them one day of true happiness. You endure because you know you will break without them. How do you choose

Tell me I’m worth it

Always searching but no relief in sight

I’m so close to throwing this fight

I’m tired of living this lie

Hiding my pain behind this fake smile

You ask how I’m doing I say that I’m fine

While only I know I am dying inside

I sit alone in the dark and I cry

I smile on my socials but it’s all a lie

These demons they’re haunting my mind

Nothing helps so why even try

So here I am asking for help

I can not continue on by myself

I need my friends I need someone else

Someone who feels the way that I’ve felt

I’m not to proud to admit I am hurting

I’m a flawed man I’m not meant to he perfect

So tell me you see me tell me I’m worth it

Please help me become more than this shell of a person

F%€k Dope

Let me tell you about addiction
Here come inside my prison
This desperate existence
My broken way of living
I DIDNT ASK TO BE AN ADDICT
I DONT WANT TO HAVE THIS HABIT
HEART COLD MY SOUL BLACKENED
FUCK THIS LIFE YOU CAN HAVE IT.
I don’t know happy, look at me,
Death please set me free, lost at sea,
Misery to be me…….
Hope is a joke, lost, I am broke,
My only relief found in heroin and coke.
Needle in vein, sleeping in rain, self blame,
Fuck the game, life I dont want to play,
Take it away, I won’t stay, I cant stay,
I cant pray, nothing to say, slow death the only way, is death my only escape…..
Fuck dope, Fuck dope, Fuck dope,
Wait what you have coke, ok well fuck hope.
Needle in vein, take my pain, No longer sane, wait what were you saying, vision turns grey, sounds fade away…….. damn hey overdose
Fuck dope yeah fuck hope, did I finally
croak,did I sink this boat, nope nope nope.
NO FUCKS LEFT TO GIVE, YOU SAY AMEN, I SAY AGAIN, AGAIN I FALL,
NO HOPE AT ALL, BLOOD SPLATTERED WALLS, PHONE THAT NO ONE CALLS.
I gave it my all,I gave it my all,
I hide I feel small, please help me y’all. Please call, Please call, Save me, Please call. I need you all, Please call.

Path of Petals

Delicate, radiant, gaze upon her face

Morphing, scattered petals litter this place

Like a trail, I follow in faith

I pick up each offering, she leaves in her wake.

Vibrant colors radiate from her presence

Life and hope permeate her essence

New buds sprout and shine luminescent 

A gift to behold her love a blessing

So I follow lost in desire

Her beauty ignites a heart on fire

To witness her greatness can only inspire

Her touch elevates me, lifts me higher 

The world improves she just makes it better

She blooms in the sun endures the bad weather

I have entered a dream this woman I treasure

And give thanks to fate for bringing us together.

I want to live

Why am I so broken
So emotionally frozen
It’s not like it matters
Would anyone notice
If I disappeared without warning
If I gave in to this hurting
If I grow too tired
Of being a shell of a person
Would anyone care
It’s my cross to bare
No one said life would be easy
That life would be fair
I scream but no sound escapes
I am so tired of living afraid
To many feelings
Leaves me in a pitiful state
So I suffer in silence
Always running and hiding
I torture myself
I lash out with violence
Would anyone mind
If I were to die
If I gave up the fight
Would anyone cry
I need you now
Speak up be loud
Help me fight back
Please show me how
I dont want to quit
I want to exist
I want to find reason
I need more than this
So please take my hand
Tell me that I can
Please pick me up
Please help me to stand
I want to forgive
I have more to give
Help me to fight
I want to live
I want to live
I want to be
I have more to give
I am important I am me.
I have value
I have love
I can help you
I am enough

Check yes or no

Oh my god I’m gonna do it.

I wish someone could walk me thru it.

What will she think when she reads my note.

I’m walking to her now big lump in my throat.

Man she’s so pretty I can do this

Like in the movies I tap her shoulder excuse me miss.

I drop the note in her lap and freeze

She smiles I grow weak in the knees

I begin to panic I can barely breathe

I turn red faced head down and I flee

I see her glance over then she begins to read

She finishes looks back and smiles at me

She gets up oh man she walks my way

Is she mad, amused what will she say

I hide my face in my hands but feel her presence

Her smell is amazing did I die is this heaven

She says hey boy I think you forgot this

She grabs my hand and said yeah you dropped this

I’m red in the face as I catch her eye

I get lost in her gaze I let lose a sigh

She laughs turns and walks away

As I look down at the note what did she say

I falter what if it says no

I open it I have to know

Yesssssssssss she said yes

She said yes I cant believe this

I take a moment to calm my nerve

I run over to her I just spit out words

She touches my face, says hey look at me

She takes my hand she kisses my cheek

I like you too as a matter of fact

And now I’m your girlfriend no take backs……..dufus

Jack and Jill’s sack of pills

I’m going to tell you a story,
It’s a very common tune.

About two people Jack and Jill,
And this is what they’ve been through.

High school was wrapping up,
When Jill met Jack. 

You see Jill was sought after,
But that Jack he was a mack.

It was a graduation party,
And everyone was having fun.

Jill had never drank before,
But everyone was having some.

So they danced and they laughed,
As they had a few beers.

Then they climbed in Jill’s car,
They had no fear cause Jack lived near.

A block from Jack’s house,
Jill ran a stop sign.

There was a truck coming through,
And jill couldn’t stop in time.

They smacked into that truck,
And everything went black.

Jack was hurt real bad,
The doctors barely brought him back.

Jill felt so guilty,
As Jack fought to rehab.

She stuck by his side,
They shared his pills and it got bad.

They both loved the feeling,
Of Jack’s oxy contin. 

All the guilt and the shame,
All that pain was forgotten.

Until eventually that doctor,
Said Jack you get no more.

Jack and jill they were in trouble,
As it was the pills they now lived for.

In they’re desperation,
They sought them out on the street.

But instead they found the feyt,
Went from snorting to I.V.

Jill began to sell herself,
Jack pulled his gun on anyone.

They had warrants for their deeds,
And so were living on the run.

Until late one night Jack and jill went up the hill,
To where those boys were trapping.

First jack then jill came crashing down,
And this is how it happened.

They shot up behind a church,
Nodded out when they were through.

When jill finally awoke,
Jack wasn’t breathing he was blue.

Jill she blamed herself,
And spiralled into depression.

She felt like life was over,
Plus the dope just wasn’t helping. 

So on the night they buried jack,
Jill was nowhere to be found.

They found her body the next day,
Floating river face down.

She had left a note,
On the bridge that she jumped from. 

Her mother read it at her wake,
This is how at all began.

To my family and my friends,
I’m sorry that we hurt you.

To my mom and my dad,
I’m sorry for what you were put though.

Its like we never stood a chance,
Life turned to dust before our eyes.

It began as harmless fun,
Before I knew it Jack had died.

It was set into motion,
Once i climbed behind that wheel.

Once addicted I lost choice,
It all just seemed unreal.

We both planned to become doctors,
We loved life and we had hope.

But our dreams were traded in,
For a needle and bag of dope.

Our story is not unique,
But our voices are rarely heard.

We are overlooked across this country,
From projects to the suburbs.

This is the true pandemic,
But we all act like we are immune.

Until you are the person,
Giving a eulogy inside this room.

The guilt shame and regret,
That we feel in active addiction.

Push us deeper into despair,
We create a lonely prison.

Connection is the key,
To a disease of isolation.

We must love our addicts back,
Come together as a nation.

We are all someone’s son, someone’s daughter
Sister, brother.

Someone’s aunt or their uncle,
Someone’s father or their mother.

So please help us to fight,
Don’t treat us as disappointments.

Your love can be a bandage,
Compassion may be our ointment.

So as I near the end,
Of this tragic journey.

I pray my voice was loud,
I hope you all have heard me.

Change starts when one of you,
Can inspire another person.

Each time you are successful,
Their story may end in a happier version.

Does this story touches you,
Do you know a Jack or Jill.

How will you choose to act,
When this story plays out for real.

We don’t have to fight alone,
You don’t have to get that call.

Love us back up off that bridge,
It’s in your court don’t drop the ball.

RIP Devon, not a day goes by I don’t miss you brother.

Dance baby dance

Dance, when the way is crowded, dance thru that crowd.

Dance when you feel trapped dance in and all around.

Dance when you feel angry stomp your fucking feet

Dance when in bed tear up those fucking sheets.

Dance when you want to scream do both

Dance when things are slipping away, wrap it all up close

Dance when you feel the need

Dance when life knocks you to your knees

Dance when you want to fight

Dance all day or thru the night 

Dance when you want to quit

Dance when you only wish to exist

Dance to free yourself

Dance when you can do nothing else